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Less Salt - Be Sweeter to Each Other

The essence of marriage is summarized in the New Testament, the Book of Mark;
"And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." (Mark 10:8)
The verse doesn't depict how difficult the process truly is.  Marriage in practice seems to be a lot like mixing oil and water - when things are moving, active, and excited, they seem to mix just fine.  However, the minute that you allow the concoction time to settle, the division occurs rapidly.  Shortly after the wedding -- after all the presents are open and you've done a grocery run or two -- the flame begin to fade into memory, we drop our rose colored glasses, and we recognize the difficulty of consolidating two intrinsically independent individuals. 
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(photo from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/247698048230943608/?lp=true)
The problems that arise in our marriages from our personality difference are referred to by marital expert John Gottman as perpetual problems.   In fact, in his book 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work,  he claims that around 69% of problems in marriage are perpetual.  They are difficult in nature to solve, and require a great deal of work to overcome or manage.  So what on earth is one to do?  How can you take two different substances, two different materials that oppose each other down to their very nature, and make them sit nice together?  Well, there's actually a scientific principle to this;
It's called emulsion.
An emulsifier is defined by the Marion-Webster as; "a substance that stabilizes an emulsion, in particular a food additive used to stabilize processed foods."  Generally, a compound called lecithin found in your eggs is what gets the water and oil in your baked goods to mix.  There are natural ways to make these very different substances cooperate to create the gestalt of the baked mixture. And together, they can make something really delicious that stays together indefinitely!  So, what are our "emulsifiers" in marriage? 
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(photo souce:https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/chocolate-heart-layer-cake-with-chocolate-cinnamon-mousse-107716)
Ever spent some time with a couple who was just downright sweet?  I have.  They are the proverbial chocolate cake of marriages, and it's because they practice marital emulsion like clock-work.  Let me share with you a few observations that I've made concerning these couples;
1) They have a common belief system.  While it's true, you can make a marriage work with different religious backgrounds, it puts a great deal of strain on the relationship when you don't both believe in the same purpose of life.  Do you both believe in an afterlife?  What are your motives?  The answers to these questions will provide the backbone for your decisions. Your beliefs shape and mold who you are, and give a great common ground for decision making in a marriage when they're shared.
2) They share a destination.  Whatever your goals are (buying a beautiful home to raise children, have meaningful careers, become wonderful people), it matters that you're heading down the same road.  When you share a destination, you can share the journey, no matter how different you may be.  The ultimate destination of the water and oil is to become a cake together - is that similar to the goals of your marriage?  What will you become together?
3) They share their thoughts openly -- meaning that you share your feelings and thoughts about things you experience together.  When you begin to understand your differences in perception, and receive them non-judgmentally, you begin to see a personality pattern in your spouse.  It's easier for us to love something that is predictable to some degree.  So, as you share what you think about things, places, people, and events, you become more in tune to each other.  The predictability become so apparent, glances across a room can mean as much as a neon sign saying, "I'm uncomfortable at this party.  Let's get out of here".
So this might all seem far away - like looking at a mountain peak in the distance.  It's a journey, friends, that we are all working on.  Even couples who have been together for years!
Recognizing your differences is the first step.  Next, remember how much you love each other and the reasons you made this decision to be together.  Envision the sweet dream your marriage could be and make an action plan.   You can get there, together!

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