Coming Home; Building A Place for Family

So, I've been married for about three years and running.  It's been a wonderful time in my life, and I anticipate that it will continue to be one of the greatest sources of joy going forward.  However, It's not something that you can simply be "good" at.  Being "good" at marriage isn't a thing - working on your marriage is.  A lot of people see marriage as something that can be worked into submission, and hold it's integrity like a suit of armor.  I have learned, in my limited experience and through observation, that being a good spouse is just the sum total other character traits - like honesty or patience - you're never really done solidifying it because it demands you to react well in every instance to be "good" at it.   While working on marriage, many people run into a significant question - what is my role in improving sexual intimacy in marriage?  For those of a densely religious background like myself,  this may have been ...

When I participated in a service mission in western Ukraine for my church, I was assigned to a fantastic mission president.  Basically, he operated as the service leader and priesthood authority for that part of the country.  I remember him asking me on my first day, "do you like group projects?"  I hesitated to answer, because I wanted to present a facade that I wasn't just some "yes man".  He answered his own question when presented with my silence, "Of course you don't.  Nobody does.  They're hard.  However, all of the most important work in the world requires you to work with people.  In fact, you will accomplish very little in this life without at least working with a few people." In his book,  The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work,  Dr. John Gottman discusses some of the most sincere interactions that occur between people - fulfilling dreams and using marriage as a tool for helping two individuals to grow.  “Keep wo...

The essence of marriage is summarized in the New Testament, the Book of Mark; "And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." (Mark 10:8) The verse doesn't depict how difficult the process truly is.  Marriage in practice seems to be a lot like mixing oil and water - when things are moving, active, and excited, they seem to mix just fine.  However, the minute that you allow the concoction time to settle, the division occurs rapidly.  Shortly after the wedding -- after all the presents are open and you've done a grocery run or two -- the flame begin to fade into memory, we drop our rose colored glasses, and we recognize the difficulty of consolidating two intrinsically independent individuals.  (photo from   https://www.pinterest.com/pin/247698048230943608/?lp=true )  (Links to an external site. ) The problems that arise in our marriages from our personality difference are referred to by marital expert John Got...

Ask any member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and they will tell you how proud they are of their Prophet.  We love the direction, inspiration, and love provided by these experienced men!  One such man was Ezra Taft Benson, who served as the Prophet and President of the Church starting in the mid 80's.  And as proud as we are of our wise leaders, President Benson warned in his 1989 discourse entitled "Beware of Pride" that we should be cautious of certain  types  of pride; Ezra Taft Benson (Photo Source;  https://www.thechurchnews.com)  (Links to an external site.) "Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride." The webster dictionary definition of enmity is " the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something". So let...

There is an inherently incorrect assumption about how marriage is divvied up.  We sometimes look at ourselves, feel unloved or dejected, short-changed or neglected, and imagine that our marriage is like an old jalopy about to putter out of commission. Ever hear the expression that marriage is a 50/50 agreement - you both give some to make it work?  The idea is that the both of you make up 100% of the marriage; including responsibilities, decision making, and possessions. If someone isn't doing their part, then they're causing a problem for the relationship. However, let me propose while there may be some validity to that idea, that's not a great way to look at it -- especially if you want the magic to last.  What if both spouses didn't give 50%, but instead, 100% of themselves?  Love is about giving your whole self to your spouse and becoming "one flesh", as the bible puts it.  We both have needs for affection and care, and turn to our spouse for the fill...