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Sex - We Need to Talk About It

So, I've been married for about three years and running.  It's been a wonderful time in my life, and I anticipate that it will continue to be one of the greatest sources of joy going forward.  However, It's not something that you can simply be "good" at.  Being "good" at marriage isn't a thing - working on your marriage is.  A lot of people see marriage as something that can be worked into submission, and hold it's integrity like a suit of armor.  I have learned, in my limited experience and through observation, that being a good spouse is just the sum total other character traits - like honesty or patience - you're never really done solidifying it because it demands you to react well in every instance to be "good" at it.  
While working on marriage, many people run into a significant question - what is my role in improving sexual intimacy in marriage?  For those of a densely religious background like myself,  this may have been a taboo topic for most of your young life.   As it turns out, this is a huge issue when you come to getting hitched.  Sex, as scary or evil a topic as you may have seen it growing up, is a cornerstone of a happy marriage.  One of the Prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Spencer W. Kimball, spoke of the detrimental effect inadequate sexual relationships can have in a marriage,
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“Divorces often occur over sex…If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 1982, p. 329; emphasis added)
Now, this isn't going to be a discourse in intercourse.  I'm not going to elaborate on anything in particular.  The content of this post is directed at one thing - getting educated.  Religious types throughout the world see sexual education as a difficult subject to approach.  The reality is this - when we are better educated about where our sexual drives come from, the healthy realms in which they can operate, and how to be respectful of one another in respects to sexual intimacy, we clear up much of the confusion that leads to tragedy and heartbreak.
There are 3 things you need to remember;
  • Sex is natural and important in a loving relationship
  • The most important sex education you can get will come from listening to your partner.
  • Reading a well written and professional book about the subject can do a world of good.  My wife and I read Between Husband and Wife by Stephen E. Lamb, and it taught us a lot of important concepts we would have been blind to.
Intimacy is an important part of marriage, and extends far beyond the bedroom.  However, sex is a big portion of love and trust when you are married.  Avoid pornography at all costs, talk openly with your spouse about the topic, and seek positive guidance from respected / trusted sources.

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