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A Turn for the Better

There is an inherently incorrect assumption about how marriage is divvied up.  We sometimes look at ourselves, feel unloved or dejected, short-changed or neglected, and imagine that our marriage is like an old jalopy about to putter out of commission.
Ever hear the expression that marriage is a 50/50 agreement - you both give some to make it work?  The idea is that the both of you make up 100% of the marriage; including responsibilities, decision making, and possessions. If someone isn't doing their part, then they're causing a problem for the relationship.
However, let me propose while there may be some validity to that idea, that's not a great way to look at it -- especially if you want the magic to last.  What if both spouses didn't give 50%, but instead, 100% of themselves?  Love is about giving your whole self to your spouse and becoming "one flesh", as the bible puts it.  We both have needs for affection and care, and turn to our spouse for the filling of a metaphorical "love tank", much like a car has a gas tank. When we look at the 50/50 model, it leads us to see deficiencies in our "love tank" as the fault of our spouse.  It makes us become more selfish.
It's not about filling your "quota" of contribution.  It's about looking for better ways to show one another you care consistently.
"Marriage is not 50-50; divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got!" -Dave Willis
When Christ was suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane for us, he experienced everything with us, "that his bowels may be filled with mercy" toward us (Alma 7:12).  In a very real way, when we participate 100% in a relationship with our spouse, we are filled with a mercy and compassion that kindles the fires of love.  Because we turn away from ourselves, becoming self-less,  we can focus better on the needs of our companion.  Learning more about Christ's example to us is a great way to develop the character that does well in, quite frankly, any relationship.
Remember that a marriage isn't about what your spouse can do for you, but what you can do for your spouse.  Imagine if both people had that outlook -- how many fights would dissolve?  How many unnecessary purchases would be avoided?  How loving would the relationship be then?
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Alexander Milov is the artist responsible for one of my favorite works of art called "Love".  The statue represents two hollow, wire frame adult personages turned away from each other in dismay.  Yet, deep inside, we see two full, glowing child sized statues facing each other lovingly.  A good marital relationship starts with what these little children represent - A burning desire to turn toward one another and be filled with love and light.  My hope is that everyone will learn to focus on the small ways we can turn away from our selfish tendencies - give 100% of ourselves - and ultimately show our love.

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