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In-Laws and Boundaries

When I proposed to my wife, I saw her for what she was; An intelligent, beautiful woman and my best friend.  What I didn't consider at that time was the elegant tapestry already woven in her mind by her parent's and siblings.  It's something that many people fail to consider - the deep influence of our in-laws on spouses - until we end up trying to cooperate with them (during wedding planning, vacations,  visits, and so on).
Picture source: https://www.theintentionallife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/spouses-family-900px.jpg
After getting married, her very savvy Mother (a real estate agent) helped us buy a house that fit our needs perfectly.  As an added bonus, she would live only a mile away from us!  I remember thinking that this was "awfully convenient", and feeling a slight resentment toward her for drawing us in (seemingly) against our will.  Well, my will.  I wasn't expecting our close proximity to make much of a difference in my interactions with her - she'd see my wife much more often and perhaps that was a good thing!  Maybe my wife would be more comfortable planning her days, knowing that her mother was only a mile up the road.  I was incorrect however, because her influence changed the way my wife interacted with me, my relationship with her in general, and my view of her other children (my wife's brother and sister).
I grew up in a family where we didn't discuss our feelings very openly.  Plans were kept secret until we were sure of the outcome.  Sharing dreams and hopes wasn't a big part of our family.  However, my wife's family seemed to operate with a hive mind.  Essentially, if her mother knows something, then everyone else in the family knows it.  It was difficult for my wife to not fill her in on conversations that we had the night before.  I started to learn more than I needed to know about her children and their relationships.  I felt like confidentiality was a thing of the past.  
My wife and I finally had to have a heart to heart.  We discussed the meaning of intimacy. I'm not talking about just sex here either - but about real intimacy.  The private relationship that you have between you and your spouse.  President Spencer W. Kimball is quoted saying, “Your love, like a flower, must be nourished. There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one." We realized that our marriage was something we needed to develop together.  Part of that development required us to draw a line around what we considered to be intimate - whether it was thoughts, feelings, or whatever information.  My wife and I came to the conclusion that we needed to create a space between us and her mother.  
This was a difficult decision to make.  We had some questions;
1) Was this going to strain our relationship with her?
2) Would my wife be resentful of me for bringing this to her attention?
3) Would this change really solve anything?
Well, I want to tell you that it's been a few years, and we still live one mile away.  My wife and my mother-in-law are still best friends. I've become closer to bother of her parents too. Her father taught me countless skills in home repair.  Her mother has been a continual support in my career goals. I've told them that we would take care of them when they get older - and I meant it.    The thing is, we just always tried to maintain a loving relationship, even though we don't share everything.  
So, yeah, it's going to be a difficult journey.  In summary, a strong relationship with your in-laws (where possible), is going to be an asset worth investing in.  It is important to be close to those who most greatly influenced the one's we love.

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